My Biggest Failure

To Come So Far And Be So Close

Students progress at different rates. Some people pick up new movements with ease, while others have to work harder and put in more time to reach the same level of competence and fluidity. 

That said, the vast majority of students make steady progress over time when they show up and put in the effort. But occasionally we encounter a student who struggles to execute the simplest movements or grasp the most fundamental concepts.

These students are highly motivated. They want to learn. They want to make progress. They show up week after week and try as hard as they can. Unfortunately, sometimes they end up trying too hard. Their work ethic actually creates roadblocks to their progress.

One lady stands out in my memory. She was so nice, and she tried so hard. But she struggled simply because she wouldn't let herself relax and respond to the lead. She seemed to be convinced that she had to execute the steps and sequences actively. She wouldn't just relax and let the leader take her on a ride. 

I encouraged her constantly. I spent a lot of time with her in the class; I could see the other leaders becoming frustrated with her, and I didn't want her to feel their judgment. She felt badly enough already. I could see the disappointment and frustration in her face.

"Forget the step," I would tell her. 

"Just relax and move with me." 

"Go where the lead takes you." 

"Follow my shoulders."

"You have plenty of time. Just relax."

"Abandon the plan and just dance."

Eventually, after months of encouragement, my struggling student finally made a breakthrough. She finally relaxed and let herself respond to the lead. It was an amazing experience for both of us.

"You see?" I ask. "It's effortless."

"It is!" she replied enthusiastically.

You should have seen the look on her face. She was glowing. She did so well that evening that I asked her to dance with me for the closing demo of the class. Her transformation was amazing.

She came back the following week, and we shared several smooth, flowing dances together. She danced as though she was floating on a cloud. I was so happy for her.

The school closed for a couple of weeks during the holidays, and that closing was followed by a period of bad weather.I didn't see my student for while. When she returned a month or so later, she had reverted to her old habits. She struggled as though the breakthrough had never happened. 

I was confident that I could work with her and encourage her to get back on track. Unfortunately, for whatever reason, she returned only once more. I never saw her again after that.

I don't know what happened. Perhaps she grew weary of the frustration. Maybe someone criticized her. Maybe she simply decided that tango wasn't for her, that it was too challenging.

It broke my heart when I realized that she wasn't coming back. I wish that I could have inspired her to stick around for a little bit longer. She had her breakthrough, and it would have happened again with a bit more time and encouragement. 

But it wasn't to be. All of my encouragement and reassurance wasn't enough to inspire her to continue. It was my biggest failure as a teacher.

I always tried to understand each student's individual needs and provide them with personalized instruction. The students who stuck with me always made progress. I'm so proud to watch those students today. They dance beautifully.

But no one's breakthrough meant more to me than this one. This lady struggled so hard for so long. To watch her finally dance and flow in the moment. That was very, very special. I hope that she remembers those dances as fondly as I do.

Hers was a difficult journey. I sympathize if she just didn't want to work that hard anymore. But I hope that she'll give the tango another chance one day. Because I know that she can do it. 

¡Buena suerte amigos, y muchas gracias!

Daniel

Copyright © 2015 The Exploring Tango Blog

www.exploringtango.com

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Talent, Effort and Dedication

How Far Will They Take You?

Occasionally, someone compliments me by remarking that I am a talented photographer. I accept comments like this graciously and enthusiastically - it's always nice when someone appreciates my work. But I realize that talent isn't what made me a photographer.  

For most of my life, I was a casual snap-shooter. I took bad photographs for decades. When I look back over my albums from those years, I don't see much evidence of talent shining through. 

After seeing some awe-inspiring photo exhibits, I came to realize that cameras could do a lot more than I thought. There was more to photography than the faded, poorly composed rubbish that I was picking up regularly at my neighborhood drugstore.

Eventually, I dedicated myself to becoming a serious photographer. I felt a burning desire to make photos like the ones that had impressed me in those shows. I dedicated time to learning everything that I could about cameras and the photographic process. But even as I was learning and developing skills, I still made lots of bad photos.

Talent didn't make me a photographer. Work and honest self-evaluation were the most critical factors in my development. I took lots of photos, rated my progress, devised new approaches, and went out and shot some more. Over and over and over again. Over time, I learned a lot and improved my skills in the process.


The Diamond Under The Mountain

I have met people with a real talent for photography, people who have impressed me with a natural gift for composition or a sense for finding fascinating subjects. Some of these folks have impressive portfolios. Some have modest portfolios that show untapped promise. And some are casual snap-shooters who upload mostly unimpressive photos to social media on occasion. 

All of these people have talent, but only some of them have achieved impressive results. The difference is in the effort and determination that they have committed toward achieving those results.

Talent is potential. Exceptional talent will let someone achieve more in the same amount of time or with the same amount of effort. But without effort, that talent will remain unfulfilled. Talent is a diamond buried under a mountain. You'll have to dig deep before you can access its full value.


Limitations

A lack of talent does enforce some limitations. Most people will never compete in a professional sporting event or sing on stage at a famous opera house. The people who make it to that level all have extraordinary talent. But talent didn't put them on the stage or the playing field. Top performers typically dedicate countless hours toward developing and maximizing their talent. 

A person with average talent can achieve impressive results by committing themselves to hard work and a plan for making the best of the abilities that they have. Maybe they won't discover a diamond under their personal mountain, but they'll find other beautiful and valuable assets. In many cases, their lives will be more fulfilling for having put in the effort.


A Weakness Exposed

I have been blessed with some degree of talent, and I am thankful for all that those talents have enabled me to achieve. But there are plenty of areas in my life where I lack talent to an embarrassingly painful degreed.

A lack of scholastic talent emerged as a critical weakness when I went to college (university, for international readers). It wasn't just that I struggled to get good grades. I plunged into a downward spiral that led to some of the most difficult and disappointing years of my life.  

I read very slowly. It takes me three to six weeks to read an average-sized novel. I know people who can finish the same book in an evening or two. 

That might not sound like a big problem, but it became a serious disadvantage when I started studying at the university level. I struggled to complete assignments, I fell desperately behind semester after semester, and my grades were horrible. Not just bad - horrible! I was frustrated, exhausted, depressed, ashamed, and I felt utterly hopeless. I feared that I would never earn a degree, and I had no idea what I could do to reverse the damage.

With each new semester, I resolved to do better, to study harder, but I still struggled. In fact, things got worse. Much worse.

Finally, after it seemed that all hope of ever getting through college was lost, I had a breakthrough. I resolved to do whatever it took to earn good grades and complete my degree. 

I scheduled as many hours of study time as I could find available each week, and I wouldn't let these periods be skipped or interrupted. I found the quietest places on campus and spent hours there every day (effectively hiding) in order to avoid distraction. In my notebooks, I paraphrased every paragraph that I read as I was reading it. I imagined myself standing before a classroom full of students, explaining the material. I needed to understand every concept and every detail in order to avoid looking like a fool.

I didn't gain any scholastic talent overnight. The Learning Fairy didn't cast a magic spell on me. My reading pace was still ponderously slow. 

But by refining my approach to studying in a way that compensated for my weaknesses, I went from being an academic embarrassment to getting A's in three-fourths of my classes. I completed my degree, and I went on to have a long, successful career in a field where continuous learning is demanded.

Those speedy readers obviously have more talent than I do in this area. I doubt that I could ever survive in law school or medical school - which is just fine, because they would never accept me anyway. But I was able to find a way to overcome my academic weaknesses. The dedication and effort required were significant, but it did prove to be possible. 

Desire and commitment and hard work can move anyone forward toward any dream. If you have talent, you'll be able to go a little farther, but you're still going to have to work hard to get there. If you don't have a lot of talent, you can still do many of the things that you dream of doing. 

Never let a perceived lack of talent discourage you. Maybe you don't lack talent at all; you might need to try something different in order to develop your unique potential. Keep working at it. Keep trying new approaches. Good things are waiting for you. There are diamonds hiding under the mountain, but it will take work to find them.

¡Buena suerte amigos, y muchas gracias!

Daniel

Copyright © 2015 The Exploring Tango Blog

www.exploringtango.com

All Rights Reserved

   

   

World Cup Wonder

Surviving Your Darkest Hour

It was a rough day for the hometown World Cup fans. Germany could do nothing but score. Brazil could do nothing to stop them. 

The game was lost well before halftime. The Brazilian players had to put on a strong face and play out the rest of a hopeless match in front of millions of fans world wide and their own shocked and sobbing countrymen.


Bad Things Happen

No matter how prepared we are, no matter how skilled or experienced we are, it's still possible to have a bad day. A disastrous day. A calamitous day. A performance that will haunt us for years.

No one is immune to bad fortune. Anyone can have a meltdown when a perfect storm of negative events rains down with unexpected fury. The storm will come for each of us sooner or later. The breakdown will happen. It's not a question of whether, but when.

When the worst happens, it will hurt. We'll feel anguish. Humiliation. Agitation. Despair. Physical and emotional discomfort. 

We'll experience profound self-doubt and disillusionment in that bitter moment, a moment that we shall be destined to play over and over in our minds for months and years to come.


Replay

But, guess what! You'll get over it. If you live through the experience, you can pick yourself up and start again from where you left off.

You'll play another match. You'll dance another song. You'll compete in another contest. You'll deliver another set of results. In the aftermath of unimaginable humiliation, you'll get up, get yourself together and do what you love to do. And you'll do it again and again and again.

To live a life where you do what you love to do. Would that be worth a few bad experiences along the way? A few really bad, publicly humiliating experiences, versus a lifetime of happiness? That's an easy decision to make.

Failure feels horrible, but it doesn't kill you. It doesn't render you weak or unable to compete. It doesn't stop you from taking reasonable chances.

But the fear of failure can immobilize you and kill your dreams.


Dancing Beyond Fear

Never let the fear of failure or humiliation hold you back. Refuse to let fear prevent you from taking the chances that you need to take in order to reach your goals and enjoy the life that you want to live.

Imagine the worst possible scenario of embarrassment, humiliation, and loss of stature. Now imagine something ten times worse. You could survive that. You really could. It won't be pleasant, but you would make it. You would emerge bruised but better for it.


The Fulfilled Life

Now imagine years and years on end of living your dreams, adventure after pleasurable adventure, in a life that fulfills you completely. Would you trade all of that just to avoid a few occasional moments of powerful humiliation?

Take a chance. Take lots of chances. Live your life. When life pushes back in an unpleasant way, roll with the punches, grieve for what you've lost, put yourself back together, and get back to doing what you really, really love to do.

There's more life to live. There are more dreams to follow, more objectives to accomplish, and more people with whom you can share your highs and lows. 

¡Buena suerte amigos, y muchas gracias!

Daniel

Copyright © 2014 The Exploring Tango Blog

www.exploringtango.com

All Rights Reserved

   

Olympic Lessons - Never Give Up

Deliverance from Disappointment

We love our Argentine Tango passionately, but the tango can be frustrating at times. We've all struggled with technique at one time or another, and most of us can recount "horror stories" of uncomfortable experiences at the milonga. 

Some folks give up on tango altogether. Repeated uncomfortable experiences take the joy out of the experience, and they retreat. 

Typically, after some time away heals old wounds, estranged tangueros and tangueras return to the milonga and rekindle their love of the dance. But it's sad when something that you love drives you away. I'll bet that anyone who has danced the tango for more than a couple of years has thought about quitting at some point. The frustration is real.

If you have ever considered giving up - on tango or anything else that you love - rejoice! The patron saint of deliverance from disappointment arrived last week in the person of Italian figure skater Carolina Kostner.


Carolina's Story

At her own country's Torino Winter Olympic Games of 2006, Kostner struggled and finished in ninth place. At the Vancouver Olympics in 2010, she fell repeatedly and finished in sixteenth place. 

Carolina Kostner was ready to give up. Her Olympic skating career was apparently over. Fortunately for Carolina - and for all of us - her mother talked her into hanging on for the pure love of the sport.

Fast-forward to the Sochi Games of 2014. At the age of 27 (practically the mandatory retirement age for the youth-friendly sport of women's figure skating) Carolina Kostner skated flawlessly, beautifully, immaculately.

There were no falls at Sochi - not even a stumble - and her artistic, expressive movements could serve as a textbook example of what a great skater should look like. Carolina Kostner earned a bronze medal against what was arguably the strongest field of skaters ever to step on Olympic Ice.


Keep Going

Argentine tango presents challenges to beginners and to seasoned veterans alike. It's not an easy dance to master, and every partner is unique. Disappointment is inevitable. Some level of frustration is assured.

Stick with it. The tango is one of life's blessing, and it's worth a bit of frustration. Discomfort and anguish and self-doubt will meet you along the way. But for every difficult moment there will be a time when you feel as though you're soaring above the clouds, moving to beautiful music in the arms of a caring individual. That's a very special treat.

If you give up, you'll save yourself some frustration. But you'll miss some of the most amazing experiences of your life. 

Keep going. Take your time, and don't let short-term frustrations keep you from reaping the long-term rewards of a life of dance.

¡Buena suerte, amigos, y muchas gracias!

Daniel

Copyright © 2014 The Exploring Tango Blog

www.exploringtango.com 

All Rights Reserved