Partners dancing and courtship are closely intertwined. Anyone who's participated in a social dance as a teenager knows this firsthand. Many styles of solo and ensemble dancing found throughout the world demonstrate a level of virility and suitability for mating. Even some members of the animal kingdom use 'dance' as a courting ritual.
But despite these well-established links to sexuality, dance in its purest form is neither a means of courtship nor a surrogate for sexual activity.
Dance is art.
Dance is communication.
Dance is expression.
Dance is storytelling.
Dance is humor.
Dance is storytelling.
Dance is humor.
Dance is tradition.
Dance is drama.
Dance is drama.
Dance is an observable stream of thought.
Dance is athleticism.
Dance is exercise.
Dance is adventure.
Dance is a kinetic, physical manifestation of music.
Granted, dance also can be an expression of intimacy, but intimacy exists in many forms.
There is The Intimacy of Teamwork, as when athletes bond toward a common goal.
There is The Intimacy of Harmony, as when voices rise up in a joyous choir.
There is The Intimacy of Trust, as when acrobats leap toward each other on the flying trapeze.
There is The Intimacy of Discovery, as when we witness a child exploring nature for the first time.
There is The Intimacy of Companionship, as when we share food and fond memories with good friends.
The Argentine tango is an intimate dance. It contains each of these forms of intimacy along with others.
If we find ourselves experiencing overt romantic or sensual feelings during a tango - and if we're not in the arms of our True Love at the time - it might be the very experience that we're looking for. Adventure. Fantasy. Conquest. All within the safe confines of a room full of people.
The embrace is a garden where interpersonal chemistry can blossom and flourish without much additional prompting.
On the other hand, such feelings could be an indication that we have become more focused on The Partner than on The Dance.
The Dance is a pure experience. It is not partner-specific.
We can enjoy The Dance with someone from a vastly different age bracket.
We can enjoy The Dance with someone who is physically unattractive to us.
We, as heterosexuals, can enjoy The Dance with a partner of the same sex (ditto the equivalent circumstances for gays).
The Dance provides its own unique rewards above and beyond the pleasures of close physical contact.
In cases where The Dance becomes confused with The Partner, the positive attributes of The Dance will blur with our feelings of attraction for the other individual. Unless there is a clear desire for courtship between the two partners, this blurring must be managed carefully.
Preferences and Desires
If you are already enjoying the artistry and creativity of tango without interpersonal distractions, then congratulations! I commend you on your pursuit of The Dance in its purest form, and I hope that you'll benefit from its limitless rewards.
If the tango has become a primarily sensual experience, and if you find that appealing, that's entirely your business. Feel free to share these sensations with like-minded partners.
I would just ask that you please not share these experiences with ME or with others who are looking for 'good clean fun', so to speak. When dancers with different personal objectives mix, the potential for misunderstandings and embarrassment is significant.
My personal preference is to explore The Dance for all that it has to offer - creativity, musicality, expressiveness - dimensions of the tango that I could share with anyone, not just with an attractive woman.
In my opinion, overt romanticism distracts from the vast intellectual, spiritual, and creative potential of the Argentine tango. However, everyone has their own objectives, and the dimension of interpersonal attraction is going to be a legitimate priority for many.
Finally, if you find that your tango experiences are clouded with sexual impulses and you would like to change that, here are some suggestions.
- Think about all of the different types of intimacy listed above. Which would you like to cultivate in your tango life? How can you increase your focus on these ideals?
- Realize that the embrace, while essential to the tango, is not a green light for unwanted affection. The best embrace is a sanctuary of comfort and respect.
- Focus on the attributes of tango that you would like to explore more deeply - communication, musicality, improvisation, empathy, creativity, etc.
- Dance with some partners of the same sex (or the opposite sex if you're gay) and find what makes the tango appealing in the absence of any hint of sexual desire.
- Spend some time dancing exclusively with your life partner with whom no sexual conquest is required.
- Avoid partners who desire a primarily sensual experience on the dance floor - even if you have to find some new milongas.
The Argentine tango has much to offer (INCLUDING sensuality). Don't limit your experience. Explore the tango's many dimensions in order to enjoy it's endless rewards.
¡Buena suerte amigos, y muchas gracias!
Daniel
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