One of my teachers once asked me to share some private lessons with a less experienced follower. The lady, whom I knew from group classes, was a pleasant person and a dedicated student. She was also relatively tall, so height could be used to our advantage.
(For those who haven't met me in person, I'm the same height as Cary Grant. Not that I'm bragging.)
I agreed to share some lessons, and we scheduled our first appointment for the following week.
The first time was a bit rough. The follower seemed nervous, and it was clear that she was trying hard to avoid mistakes. Unfortunately, she was trying too hard. She was guessing steps instead of following the lead, and she was overcorrecting technique and posture without being directed to do so. This led to many awkward moments, which in turn led to more tension and anxiety.
I had to figure out some way to calm her down before the next lesson. I wanted to let her know that she wasn't under pressure and that mistakes were a part of the process. I wanted her to relax and enjoy our time together.
The next week I met her outside of the classroom. We exchanged our greetings, and when she was ready to go in, I said this to her.
I have a favor to ask. Don't try to please me in the lesson. Let me please you.
Something must have clicked, to use a colloquialism. The lesson went much more smoothly and she actually seemed to enjoy herself instead of apologizing constantly. She was far more relaxed and receptive to the lead. She had made a breakthrough.
Following Is Terrifying
Or at least it should be to any rational person. The follower has no idea what's coming next moment after moment, song after song. To thrive in this situation requires a special state of mind and body. Here are some tips that can help put you in the best possible position to receive the lead.
Relax Both Body And Mind - Physical tension will slow your reaction to the lead, and anxiety will cause you to misinterpret it.
Give Up On The Guessing Game - You cannot - CANNOT - guess what the leader is going to do next. Don't even bother. It can only lead to miscues and misunderstandings.
Take Responsibility For Your Own Balance - Even in styles of tango where the follower leans toward the leader's torso, the follower is not hanging on the leader. She needs to manage her balance properly to avoid feeling too "heavy." (In open embrace, maintaining balance is self-explanatory.)
When You Take A Step, Transfer All Of Your Weight - One-hundred percent. All or nothing. Don't get caught in the middle (unless he leads you to stay there).
Relax The Trailing Leg - Most student followers have problem letting this leg relax. I see this phenomenon well into the Intermediate level. Perhaps it's counterintuitive in societies that teach young ladies to hold their thighs together from a young age.
Let the non-standing leg hang from your pelvis like a pendulum. This improves your overall balance immediately. It also provides the leader with an amazingly limber creative tool that he'll brag about to other leaders. Not that he'll have to, because they're going to see it for themselves every time you take the floor.
Never Change Weight Unless He Leads You To Do So - Well, I suppose it's okay if you want the leader to kick you, trip over you, or step on you.
I think we need an acronym for this one: NCWUHLYTDS
Hmm, no that didn't work, but it would make an awesome password.
Allow Yourself To Be Led - Thankfully, self-leading followers seem to be few and far between these days. But if you find yourself executing un-led boleos or planeos or outrageous adornments, don't be surprised when the better leaders walk right past you.
Be Sluggish - Ah, yes, I have Saved the Best for Last.
Why would a follower want to be sluggish? It's simple. If you're really following the leader - not just guessing where to go in advance and going there on your own - there will be a short time delay between the leader's movement and the follower's response.
Followers are not judged for instantaneous execution of steps. They're judged for the quality and accuracy with which they interpret the lead and embody those movements.
Quality and Accuracy are more important than Speed. And just as in the real word, Quality and Accuracy take time to produce.
You don't need to rush into the step the instant that he leads it. It could take upwards of a full second to react to what he's trying to get you to do. Take that time if you need it. He'll speed you up if he has to - it's always easier to speed up a follower than to slow her down.
(A certain degree of elasticity in the embrace can help to accentuate the feeling of delay. It won't work well in a too-rigid embrace.)
If on the other hand, you're reacting very quickly, this could indicate that you're GUESSING. (See above)
We guess when we're unsure, but unless you're dancing with a leader to does the same handful of steps over and over and over again - yes, I realize that they do exist - guessing is not helpful. It's an accident waiting to happen.
A tango is like a date, ladies.
It's always better to arrive a little late.
It's better to let the man demonstrate his intentions clearly and convincingly before you submit to his plans. That doesn't mean that you'll stand stubbornly on the dance floor like stone. You're responsive, but you prefer to be smooth and measured rather than rushed or jumpy.
If he doesn't open the door, you don't get into the car.
If he doesn't pull out the chair, you don't sit at the table.
Oh, yes - sluggishness! Being a little bit sluggish has served ladies well over the years, and it also serves the follower quite nicely.
If he doesn't lead a step, don't take a step. And don't apologize. If he wants a reaction, has to take his time and lead properly in order to inspire those results.
Be fully present, be well balanced, and delicately responsive, but never rush into a step or any movement.
Be calm. Be unhurried.
And never, ever, ever come across as eager or anxious. There's plenty of time for this dance and this evening to play itself out.
The true gentlemen will always wait.
¡Buena suerte amigos, y muchas gracias!
Daniel
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