You will never enjoy your life fully while worrying about what other people do.
We meet all kinds of people as we go through life. Some are kind and thoughtful, but others might be rude, lazy, or arrogant.
Some people betray our trust and say hurtful things. Others simply ignore us; they stare right through us as though we were invisible.
It is perfectly natural, and probably reasonable, to become annoyed or irritated with such people. However, if you react in this way realize that the situation is not entirely their fault. Their behavior might be crude, reckless, or unconscionable, but ultimately WE get to decide whether to let that behavior bother us.
Mind Trap
Consider a common situation. We're waiting for someone, and they're extremely late. They haven't called to let us know why they're not there. We feel frustrated, annoyed, maybe even angry.
When the person finally arrives they explain that they've just been through a dreadful or dangerous ordeal and they're terribly sorry to have kept us waiting. Our feelings of frustration and annoyance are instantly replaced with concern for their well-being.
How is this instantaneous emotional transformation possible? It's possible because our annoyance was not a reaction to real events. It was a reaction to our thoughts and what's been conjured up by our imagination. Most of us have the ability to control our thoughts and therefore we can control our reactions if we choose to.
Milonga Gone Horribly Wronga
What does this have to do with tango?
Everything!
Why do we go to milongas? Why do we dance in the first place?
To enjoy ourselves!
To paraphrase my point from above: You will never enjoy tango fully while worrying about what other people do.
The milonga is a place of many expectations and sadly many judgments.
We have expectations about how people will conduct themselves.
We have expectations about what people will wear.
We have expectations about how people will react to us if we approach them to ask for a dance.
We have expectations about styles of tango and what movements are appropriate.
We have expectations about the music that's played.
And we have strong expectations about safety considerations and traffic flow on the dance floor.
If any of these expectations aren't met, we might feel justified in becoming annoyed, irritated, or angry. We might even express our dissatisfaction to other milonga attendees, an encounter that could result in even more negative emotion or even a physical altercation.
Keep What's Important In Mind
When you traveled to the milonga, did you plan to get into an argument or a fist fight? Were you looking forward to a tense and emotionally draining experience? Maybe the answer is yes if you have a chip on your shoulder and you like to punch people, but if that's the case you should probably seek therapy before signing up for any more tango lessons.
(Note: All kidding aside, if anger is a real issue with you, you need to take responsibility and seek treatment before you or someone else gets hurt.)
I'm guessing that you went out that evening expecting to have a good time. You were looking forward to a pleasant, rewarding, relaxing, and enriching experience, not some petty misunderstanding. So why let yourself get sucked into a negative situation?
Remember, if you can control your thoughts you can control your reactions.
The person who turned down your invitation doesn't have to ruin your evening.
The crazy music that you've never heard before doesn't have to keep you from enjoying connection with your partners.
The woman in the sleazy outfit doesn't have to irritate you.
They guy doing big moves in a small space doesn't have to undermine your tanda.
That fact that you only danced one set doesn't make this an unsuccessful night.
Any of these occurrences could put you in a bad mood, but they will only if you let them.
Let it go. Let all of it go. Let it slip away without so much as another thought. Be content. Be happy. Be happy to be dancing, and enjoy the milonga.
Collision Repair
The harshest feelings arise when couples collide on the dance floor. Collisions happen. Sometimes they happen when people are being careless, but even careful dancers incur (and cause) their share of bumps and bruises. Put of bunch of moving bodies into a small space, and guess what? Folks are going to run into each other sooner or later.
Sometimes the bumps are benign and sometimes they really hurt. I've been on the receiving end of boleos and ganchos, and it's not pleasant. I've been stepped on by high heels more times than I can remember, and sometimes those women were rather massive.
It hurts. You see stars. You grimace and swear like a sailor. Fortunately, serious injuries are uncommon. Most people keep dancing, or they get back up again after a short pause.
You can get angry. You can get into an argument. You can demand an apology. You can remove those nasty people from your Christmas list.
Or you can be gracious, forgive and forget on the spot, and enjoy the rest of your evening. It's entirely up to you, but personally I don't see any advantage to confrontation. It's not going to heal your bruises, and it's not going to encourage anyone to be more careful.
Don't sweat the small stuff. Don't let criticism, hard feelings, or arguments get in the way of a pleasant evening (even if it's a bumpy one). Letting go and getting back to tango is the best policy. We only have so many dances in life. Fulfillment is not optional; it's mandatory.
¡Buena suerte amigos, y muchas gracias!
Daniel
Copyright © 2012 The Exploring Tango Blog
exploringtango.blogspot.com
All Rights Reserved
