World Cup Wonder

Surviving Your Darkest Hour

It was a rough day for the hometown World Cup fans. Germany could do nothing but score. Brazil could do nothing to stop them. 

The game was lost well before halftime. The Brazilian players had to put on a strong face and play out the rest of a hopeless match in front of millions of fans world wide and their own shocked and sobbing countrymen.


Bad Things Happen

No matter how prepared we are, no matter how skilled or experienced we are, it's still possible to have a bad day. A disastrous day. A calamitous day. A performance that will haunt us for years.

No one is immune to bad fortune. Anyone can have a meltdown when a perfect storm of negative events rains down with unexpected fury. The storm will come for each of us sooner or later. The breakdown will happen. It's not a question of whether, but when.

When the worst happens, it will hurt. We'll feel anguish. Humiliation. Agitation. Despair. Physical and emotional discomfort. 

We'll experience profound self-doubt and disillusionment in that bitter moment, a moment that we shall be destined to play over and over in our minds for months and years to come.


Replay

But, guess what! You'll get over it. If you live through the experience, you can pick yourself up and start again from where you left off.

You'll play another match. You'll dance another song. You'll compete in another contest. You'll deliver another set of results. In the aftermath of unimaginable humiliation, you'll get up, get yourself together and do what you love to do. And you'll do it again and again and again.

To live a life where you do what you love to do. Would that be worth a few bad experiences along the way? A few really bad, publicly humiliating experiences, versus a lifetime of happiness? That's an easy decision to make.

Failure feels horrible, but it doesn't kill you. It doesn't render you weak or unable to compete. It doesn't stop you from taking reasonable chances.

But the fear of failure can immobilize you and kill your dreams.


Dancing Beyond Fear

Never let the fear of failure or humiliation hold you back. Refuse to let fear prevent you from taking the chances that you need to take in order to reach your goals and enjoy the life that you want to live.

Imagine the worst possible scenario of embarrassment, humiliation, and loss of stature. Now imagine something ten times worse. You could survive that. You really could. It won't be pleasant, but you would make it. You would emerge bruised but better for it.


The Fulfilled Life

Now imagine years and years on end of living your dreams, adventure after pleasurable adventure, in a life that fulfills you completely. Would you trade all of that just to avoid a few occasional moments of powerful humiliation?

Take a chance. Take lots of chances. Live your life. When life pushes back in an unpleasant way, roll with the punches, grieve for what you've lost, put yourself back together, and get back to doing what you really, really love to do.

There's more life to live. There are more dreams to follow, more objectives to accomplish, and more people with whom you can share your highs and lows. 

¡Buena suerte amigos, y muchas gracias!

Daniel

Copyright © 2014 The Exploring Tango Blog

www.exploringtango.com

All Rights Reserved

   

Discovering Your Super Power

Leverage Your Strengths

I spend a lot of time on this blog discussing aspects of the tango that we might want to improve - technique, musicality, creativity, the quality of the embrace, leading and following, floor craft, etc. 

Hopefully, the exercises and insights inspire reflection on these topics. If they get you to try something new, so much the better! If you want to advance to new levels, you'll need to put in some work. Work on your weaknesses and try to explore untapped possibilities.

But today, I would like to discuss things that we do well already, skills that come naturally to us. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses. It's not good to focus on our weaknesses all of the time. 

Let's take inventory of your strengths, your innate abilities - your "Super Powers" - and discuss how you can utilize them when you're dancing. 


What Is Your Super Power?

Your Super Power is something that comes more easily to you than it does to most other people. 

- Maybe you move smoothly and gracefully without really thinking about it.

- Maybe you adapt well to a variety of partners and styles. 

- Maybe you have exceptional balance and/or coordination. 

- Maybe you're joyful and pleasant and relate well to your fellow tangueros.

- Maybe you are naturally at ease when you dance and don't let yourself worry about making mistakes. 

- Maybe you have an exquisitely comfortable embrace that partners enjoy.

- Maybe you have an analytical mind that enables you to understand steps combinations quickly and thoroughly.

You probably have some idea already what your Super Power is. People probably mention it to you from time to time.

My super power, for the record, is dancing musically. I hear details in the music and link elements of movement to elements of music. I can do this without thinking about it, and when I think about it, I can do it even better. I'll speak more in a moment about how this power developed.


Super Powers Are Not Perfect

Hmm! Just when you starting feeling good about having a Super Power, I go and call it imperfect! ;-)

Sorry, I'm not disparaging your Super Power. I just want you to understand the context of what it is and how you can develop it.

You have a Super Power - I'm quite certain of this. You might even have more than one. But you might not recognize it. You might think, "my dancing isn't all that good yet - how can I have a Super Power?"

You don't have to be perfect - or even advance - to have a Super Power. In fact, no one is perfect. If perfection were a prerequisite for anything, we'd all fail.

But as I said above, everyone has strengths and weaknesses. I'm certain that there's something that you do better than your peers. The area where things come more easily to you - even if you're far from perfect in that department - that's your Super Power. 

And now that you have an idea what it might be, you need to learn how to use it. And in order to use it, you need to develop it.


Growth Opportunity

Having a Super Power doesn't mean that you don't have to work on that area. It simply means that you'll advance more quickly in that are IF YOU CHOOSE to dedicate work to it.

I mentioned my ability to dance musically. I've been fascinated by music for my entire life. I play music, compose music, and of course, I enjoy listening to music. I have a musical brain, so it's not surprising that I'm a musical dancer.

But, my dancing wasn't always as musical as it is today. Even though this is my super power, I still had to develop it.

Advice from teachers was helpful. In fact, one teacher stopped in the middle of a song, looked me in the eye and told me that "musicality is about more than being on the beat." Another teacher once noted that I wasn't stepping on the beats accurately. 

Whoa! Wake up calls! And they were right. In the first instance, I was focusing on the accuracy of my musical timing, but I wasn't taking into account the melodic and expressive qualities of the music. So, I worked on that. 

In the second instance, I was focusing so much on technique and not enough on the music. I had to learn to be aware of both simultaneously in order to do them both well.

None of this came easily. Having a Super Power doesn't mean that you don't have to work on that aspect of your dancing. Musicality comes naturally to me, but developing it still required work. 


Harnessing The Power

Well, here's an exciting news flash for you.  

This just in: There's no free lunch in the study of Argentine tango.

You, too, will have to work on your Super Power if you want to make the most of it. 

The good news is that, unlike your natural weaknesses - which are going to drive you crazy for years - you'll be able to improve your natural strengths quickly once you identify them and give them some attention.

With your Super Power, you already start at a higher level than the rest of the field. With a bit of work, you can take it even higher.


The Big Question

So, what is your Super Power? What is that aspect of dance that just seems to come naturally to you? Are you still unaware that you have one? Are you afraid to admit it? 

Remember, your Super Power doesn't have to be perfect, or even good. You might still be a diamond in the rough, undeveloped and unpolished. But it's in there. Ask your friends to help you identify your Super Power, and help them to identify theirs.

If you have trouble identifying your Super Power, think beyond tango. Think about who you are as a person. Are you passionate? Athletic? Studious? Relatable? Creative? Your super power is in there somewhere.


Discovery

Many of us spend time focusing on problems, replaying mistakes in our minds, obsessing over challenges, wishing that we were better in some way, and experiencing prolonged frustration as a result. 

This is your chance to take inventory of what you do well rather than what you do poorly. It's important that we take time to focus on strengths as well as weaknesses - important for healthy, long-term development and important, too, for our attitude and emotional well-being.

Develop and awareness of your strengths. Appreciate what you do well and create a plan to improve further in these areas. Expand your super powers and enjoy every reward that they bring into your life.


When You Find It

Study it. 

Exercise it. 

Develop it until it shines brightly.

Try to apply it whenever you have the chance.

Learn to appreciate and leverage your natural abilities, and they will make just about every dance experience more pleasurable. 

¡Buena suerte amigos, y muchas gracias!

Daniel

Copyright © 2014 The Exploring Tango Blog

www.exploringtango.com

All Rights Reserved

   

Tips for Leaders - Avoiding Disappointment

Find The Silver Lining

If you're a social dancer and you dance with unfamiliar people at milongas and practicas, sooner or later you'll find yourself in the embrace of someone who struggles a bit. Their technique, balance, and skill level might not be up to par with that of your regular partners.

This is a very common situation. How you handle it will say a lot about you.


The Natural Reaction

"Oh, boy! I'm stuck with this partner for the next ten minutes?"

If that thought or something similar passes through your mind, don't feel badly. You're only human. It's natural to feel a tinge of disappointment.

You came to the milonga to DANCE! You don't want to be burdened with followers who can't keep up with you, who can't execute the steps that you want to lead.

Here's my emphatic recommendation: GET OVER IT! 

Feeling grumpy won't make the tanda go any faster. Nor will it improve the situation in any way. A miserable attitude yields a miserable experience for both dancers.


The Next Level

You objective should not be to tolerate an awkward tanda, but rather to elevate it! Celebrate it! Invigorate it! 

Take this challenging situation and transform it into something special. Give this follower a tango experience that she will appreciate for a long time, and you'll feel that your own joy and satisfaction will be uplifted in kind. 


No Excuses

So what if this partner isn't very good? How good are YOU? Are you as good as you think you are? Well then use those skills and experience. Make something beautiful happen with this person. Because that's what partners dancing is all about.

If you can't figure out how to lead someone - anyone - for three simple but elegant tangos, then perhaps you shouldn't be criticizing the follower. Perhaps you should criticize the fellow in the mirror. Apparently, he has some work to do.

There are leaders who could lead this follower and make her very happy. There are men who are up to the job. Are you one of them? Do you aspire to have that level of skill? Then jump in and get to work. Stop ranting and start dancing.


Finding The Solution

Everyone has limitations. But everyone has something that they can do well, or at least well enough. The key is to focus on what works for each partner and to avoid the areas where they struggle. 

Accept each follower for who she is. If all that she can do is walk, then walk. If she stumbles after every third step, give her the time that she needs to catch her balance. Let her reconnect with you through the embrace, synchronize, and then pick up where you left off.

If the only sequence that she can follow is the one that she learned twenty minutes ago in the pre-milonga class, then build on that sequence. Dance it musically. Deconstruct it and reassemble the pieces. Lead a simple improvisation that she can follow and enjoy.


The Beauty of Connection and Simplicity

Forget about challenging, complex moves for the next ten minutes. You'll have a chance to do them with someone else very soon. You don't need to perform Cirque du Soleil to convince people that you're a good dancer. The good dancer is the guy who gives the ladies the dances that they enjoy, not the ones that left them feeling confused, overwhelmed, and full of doubt.

The more that you concentrate on what's possible - the fun and the joy, not just of dancing but of sharing a pleasurable experience with another person - the less you'll worry about what's missing.


This Above All Else

This is the simplest part of the whole formula. Don't let yourself feel disappointed. Enjoy your time with each partner, even those who struggle. As you discover what works for each person, cherish those moments and those insights. 

Never, ever, ever let disappointment show on your face. Unless you want everyone in the room to think that you're insufferable.


Deferred Rewards

The tango community is small. There's a good chance that you'll see any given partner again one day. When that day comes, she might have blossomed into a very capable tanguera. 

If you treated someone well in their early years, when they're struggling, they'll remember that, and they'll appreciate it. And you'll have a friend and a good partner in the tango world.


Remember - It Takes Two To...

You're not perfect. You make mistakes. You lose your balance occasionally. Your lead isn't perfect every minute of every dance. How about your quality of movement? Your technique? Your improvisation and musical interpretation? Your floor craft? Are all of those flawless?

Like the rest of us, you probably still have plenty to master.

A tango is a shared experience. In a shared experience, there's shared responsibility. A particular follower might have to work very hard to keep up with you. That doesn't excuse you from working hard to keep up with her.

Leading isn't an easy job. The best leaders accept that. They accept responsibility for what happens, the good and the bad, and they put effort into making each and every dance as enjoyable as it can be. 

Not so good leaders take credit when things go well and blame the follower when the dance doesn't go smoothly. Who would want to dance with someone like that? And what hope does that person have of making significant improvement?


A Humbling Recollection

I remember when I first started going to milongas. It was intimidating and very challenging. I had trouble dancing with many followers. But with experience, I improved and was able to dance with more ladies.

I didn't get better by grumbling, moping, or criticizing others. I got better by practicing, by understanding my weaknesses and improving where I realized that I needed work. 

As I worked on developing my own abilities, all of the followers seemed more capable! ;-)


Avoiding Disappointment

Blaming the follower yields a disappointed follower, nothing more and nothing less. Dancing around the room with a look of disgust on your face discourages other followers from wanting to dance with you.

This post is about avoiding disappointment. That's the title of the post. Avoiding Disappointment - in BIG letters. I went back and checked.

What I didn't specify was WHOSE disappointment we are trying to avoid. It's not enough to avoid only your own bad experiences. Take the holistic approach.

Avoid your own disappointment by accepting others for what they can do and working actively to share a good tango experience with them. In turn, you're generosity and encouragement will help them to avoid their own sense of disappointment.

Give every follower a dance to remember instead of an attitude to forget.

¡Buena suerte amigos, y muchas gracias!

Daniel

Copyright © 2014 The Exploring Tango Blog

www.exploringtango.com

All Rights Reserved

The Magical Tanda

Discovering Natural Partnerships

Ask a surfer, and he or she will tell you about the first time that they "stood up," that is, the first time that they successfully rode a surf board in an upright position. 

Don't be surprised if your surfer friend beams with excitement as they recount that special moment. This experience is so meaningful to surfers that they often remember not only the location but also the date when it occurred.

Argentine tango dancers have a similar moment but, lucky for us, it doesn't happen just once. 

When we dance with a new person in a social setting, it's typically an enjoyable but marginally awkward experience. Our style, embrace, and way of moving will be unfamiliar to a person with whom we have never danced, so a bit of awkwardness is expected. 

As I've stated before, Argentine tango isn't about perfection. It's about exploration and discovery and connection. If you're looking for perfection, study ballet.


Wow!

But occasionally, that first dance with a stranger is not awkward at all. From the moment that the person enters our embrace, we feel a non-verbal connection and a sense of confidence. We move together as though we have been partners for years, effortlessly, fluidly, joyfully. We feel as though anything is possible when this person is with us.

It's interesting to note that this moment is not dependent on the partner's level of experience. Not at all! It's not as though you happened to dance with the most experienced or accomplished person in the room and that's why everything went so smoothly. The moment is magical, not predictable. 

You have discovered a natural partner, someone who moves the way that you do, who interprets music the way that you do, whose step size and pace and embrace are similar to your own. Treat that person well, because you're going to want to dance with them again. And again. And hopefully, they'll feel the same way about dancing with you.


If This Has Not Yet Happened To You

If you are new to the Argentine tango, you might not have had the experience yet. My guess is that it will happen somewhere between six and twenty-four months into your tango experience. Don't worry about when The Magical Tanda will happen - it will! - Just have fun and expect a brief visit from destiny one day.

My hope is that everyone who is new to tango will keep dancing long enough to let this magical experience occur. We can take classes and workshops and go to milongas for years, but until this moment happens, we don't truly understand what the tango is. This moment is literally what the dance is all about.

That's a bold statement, but believe me, when the Magical Tanda happens, you'll know immediately why I urged you to continue.

Please keep dancing. Go to practicas and milongas when you can. Take classes if you can manage it. If you need to take a break, please do what you have to do and then return to tango when you get the chance. Your breakthrough partner is waiting for you. Don't disappoint them, and they won't disappoint you!


If you have not yet tried this wonderful, mysterious, amazing dance, please consider it if you are physically able to do so. When you get past the first awkward months and the dance starts to become more fluid, it can be a life changing experience. 

Just ask a surfer. :-)

Tango Terminology

* A milonga is an Argentine tango social dance. The milonga might feature dinner or a performance, but these are optional. Improvised (not choreographed) tango dancing by the attendees is the primary focus of the evening.

* A practica is a place where tango dancers can practice new ideas and new techniques. A practica is less formal than a milonga. At a practica, you can discuss techniques with a partner and try things again and again as you learn to do them. This type of discussion and experimentation is unacceptable in the more formal milonga setting.

* A tanda is a series of songs or pieces of music (typically three or four) played consecutively at a milonga or a practica. These pieces will share a similar musical or instrumental style and may even have all been recorded by the same orchestra. A leader and a follower will dance the entire tanda together unless one person is called away (i.e. to meet an old friend who just entered the milonga) or unless the partnership is not working comfortably for both partners.

¡Buena suerte amigos, y muchas gracias!

Daniel

Copyright © 2014 The Exploring Tango Blog

www.exploringtango.com

All Rights Reserved

Be Satisfied With What You Can Do Already

Improvement Is Not The Key To Happiness

I have yet to meet a dancer who didn't want to become a better dancer. 

Beginners dream of moving with the ease and fluidity of a more experienced dancer. Intermediate students take workshops in anticipation of their next hard-won breakthrough. Professionals and advanced amateurs develop their technique continually, always striving to do new things in new ways. 

There's no level where dancers stop feeling the desire to improve. We shall never reach some magical place where there's nothing new left to try, no technique left to master, no creative idea left unexpressed.

The desire to improve if firmly ingrained within each of us. Improvement feels wonderful. Breakthroughs are very satisfying when they arrive. But don't come often. How should we feel when it seems that we're not making progress?

Avoiding Disappointment

We should feel happy. Every day. In every way. If you can dance at all, appreciate it consciously and conspicuously. You weren't always able to do what you can do today. Enjoy the fact that you have come this far. Because any level of skill that you have, you have earned.

What's the alternative? Constant disappointment? A perpetual nagging feeling that you don't measure up to some arbitrary ideal of social expectation? That's not much fun. And it's not much fun to dance with someone who feels stressed out about their perceived lack of progress.

Why did you sign up for dance lessons in the first place? To enjoy yourself? Or to feel badly because you can't do every possible thing that you would like to do right now?

The Improvement Trap

Don't look for improvement. Instead, understand how it works. Breakthroughs are like surprise gifts. We can't see them coming. We notice them only after they have arrived.

Feel free to look back over your past breakthroughs. Appreciate all of the effort that went into achieving anything that you can do today that once seemed more challenging. You should feel a tremendous sense of satisfaction for all that you have accomplished regardless of your level of experience. Because in dance - as in anything else worth doing well - no quantum of improvement comes easily.

Don't worry about your next breakthrough. It will arrive when you have put in the required amount of work and when you have gained a certain level of understanding. Obsessing over "the next level" will diminish the your appreciation for what you have accomplished already.

Frustration and Impatience

Prolonged disappointment can lead to frustration and impatience. Neither will help you to improve, and their effects can be counterproductive.

Frustration increases stress levels. People who experience frustration can end up feeling irritable and unhappy. If dancing is causing unhappiness, then why the **** are you doing it? Think about it. Does that make any sense at all? 

You're supposed to be enjoying your dance life, not dreading it. Reevaluate how you feel about your progress. Dancing without a sense of genuine enjoyment is pointless. Don't let future aspirations drive you to despair.

Impatience, the other unfortunate cousin of disappointment, can inspire foolish and impulsive choices. An impatient student might be tempted to give up on a good teacher or a solid curriculum if they feel that they're not making enough progress. This often delays their progress even further.

Keep working, keep studying, and keep practicing. If you have enjoyed improvement in the past, rest assured that more is on its way. Just keep yourself on a sensible trajectory, and avoid disappointment by viewing your progress in context. 

Above all, enjoy being where you are at all times. Your journey will have many steps. Learn to appreciate each one as it comes to pass.

¡Buena suerte, amigos, y muchas gracias!

Daniel

Copyright © 2014 The Exploring Tango Blog

www.exploringtango.com 

All Rights Reserved

What Students Like And What They Despise

A Predictive Menu of Satisfaction Levels

Students are typically too polite to admit when they are bothered by something in class, but faces and body language are easy to read.

Dance lessons can be like vegetables. The ones that have the potential to do us the most good aren't always the ones that we enjoy the most. 

Uncomfortable interpersonal interactions also occur from time to time. The teacher should be ready to interrupt these situations and divert attention back to the core material when necessary.

Here is a summary of student reactions to techniques and situations encountered in tango classes.

Love

- complex step sequences

- exciting techniques

- the moment where a technique "clicks" for the first time

- being promoted to the next class level

Enjoy

- new material

- techniques that they want to understand better

- dancing to inspiring music in class

- candid discussions of milonga etiquette and experiences

- laughter

- an explanation of a problem that they encountered when practicing or dancing outside of class

- dancing with a well-matched partner

Tolerate

- exercises to improve fundamental technique

- exercises to improve floor craft/navigation skills

- repeating material that they think that they understand well enough (but don't)

Barely tolerate

- exercises to improve musical awareness, comprehension, and interpretation

- gender imbalance

- criticism from or arguments with fellow students (yes, married couples, we hear you fighting in the back of the room)

- dancing with a struggling classmate

- feeling that they aren't receiving enough individual attention

Despise

- mixed-level classes (e.g. Beginners and Intermediate students in the same room)

- inappropriate or creepy behavior from fellow students

- feeling uncomfortable in the embrace (physically or emotionally)

- reckless floor hogs

Have fun making all of THAT work in real time!  ;-) 


¡Buena suerte, amigos, y muchas gracias!

Daniel

Copyright © 2014 The Exploring Tango Blog

www.exploringtango.com

All Rights Reserved

Chemistry Between Partners

The Secret Formula

When we see a couple dancing beautifully together, we might notice and appreciate any of a number of elements -

- clean, precise technique
- inventive choreography
- moving musical interpretation
- an eye-catching "move" or trick

Each is important. But to me, the most essential and powerful element that a couple can share is chemistry.

Chemistry broadly describes the quality of the interaction between two people, in this case between two dance partners. Chemistry is difficult to describe, but we react to it instinctively when we see it and when we feel it.

When the interaction works at an average level, i.e. it's nothing special, the other elements become more important. But when the chemistry between two partners is deep and meaningful, it's enough to watch them just walk together, or even to just stand and hold each others without much movement. We sense the electricity between them.


Chemistry Exemplified

Chemistry can describe a physical interaction, as in how seamlessly the leading and following work together to produce movement.

Chemistry can describe an intellectual interaction, as in how well the couple expresses themselves through improvisation and nuance.

Chemistry can describe any of several emotional interactions: trust, passion, the thrill of being in each others arms.

Chemistry can describe a theatrical interaction, as in how the couple uses humor and drama to evoke a mood or tell a story.


A Brief Tangent From Tango

Dancing With The Stars is a popular American reality television program where celebrities study dance for a short amount of time and then put on performances in a competition of elimination. I don't watch the show very often, in part because it does a brutally unjust of representing Argentine tango. 

But I would like to mention that one of the contestants on the current season is a very impressive dancer named James Maslow. In addition to extraordinary natural talent, Mr. Maslow has an incredible chemistry with his professional partner/teacher. Every time they perform, it's a delight to watch.

Despite his extraordinary performances, Mr. Maslow finds himself in last place at the moment - yet another reason why I don't watch the show. 

But if you have a chance to watch this guy perform with his partner - even if you have to go back to past episodes, I would urge you to do so. It is an illustration of dance chemistry at the highest level.


Chemistry at the Milonga

The next time you find yourself watching couples dance at a milonga, instead of watching for fancy steps (or fancy shoes), watch for chemistry. 

The couple with the best chemistry might not be doing the most fancy steps, and vice versa - the couples that are doing the most fancy movements might not have much chemistry.


Chem 101

Think about your own dancing. Think about the partners with whom you feel a special connection. Dancing with certain people just feels better. It's more exciting, more creative, and more smoothly flowing even though their level of experience might not be as high as some of the other people at the milonga.

Chemistry is an important subject. Study it. Do experiments. Gain a respect and an understanding of the power of interaction, of the magic that makes those special partners special. 

And then, when you're ready to go for your Ph.D. in Chemistry, share that special formula with all of your partners and make every dance special.

¡Buena suerte, amigos, y muchas gracias!

Daniel

Copyright © 2014 The Exploring Tango Blog

www.exploringtango.com 

All Rights Reserved