There are far worse things in life than an awkward moment on the dance floor. Just the same, leaving the floor with the feeling that you have disappointed someone can be a miserable and demoralizing experience. A particularly bad incident can linger in your memory for years. I have met people who gave up on dancing completely because they couldn't handle the emotional toll.
Dealing with Imperfection
The Argentine tango isn't about perfection. It's an improvised dance with a limited number of pre-planned step sequences. Most of what happens on the dance floor is made up "on the fly" - improvised in real time.
Sometimes while improvising (often with a partner whom we have never met), things go wrong. The communication between leader and follower might not be clearly transmitted or effectively understood. What we tried to do didn't work. The result can be anything from a tiny stumble to a major collision. How we handle these moments says a lot about us and can leave a lasting impression on our partners.
Stoppage of Action
Unless someone endures a physical injury or an equipment malfunction (such as a heel breaking on a shoe), the first rule is to continue dancing. Trips and stumbles happen. We pull ourselves together, resynchronize, and keep moving with the traffic in the line of dance.
As with the actors in a play, stopping is not an option. When someone forgets a line, the actors make something up and keep going. Continuity is critical. If you really need to stop, try to leave the floor in a way that does not disrupt traffic, or you or someone else could end up getting hurt.
Discover What Works
Once we collect ourselves and recover from a stumble, we can try attempt to retry the step that caused the initial glitch. Alternately, we can slow down and try some simpler movements until we regain confidence in our ability to interact. It's generally better to simplify. There's no need to push your technique to its limits. Relax and enjoy the music and the embrace more.
The trick is to find things that work with each partner. Every person is unique and dances in their own way. Some steps will work better than others. Identify what works with this partner and explore that to the fullest. Avoid movements that cause them to struggle. Try those things with someone else.
Silence, Please!
Ideally, recovery should NOT involve talking - not much, anyway. We might need to check to ensure that the person is physically unharmed, but a verbal rehash of a mistake is inappropriate and unhelpful.
If you feel that you cannot continue without discussing what happened, please leave the dance floor. Find a quiet corner and feel free to chat about what you think was supposed to have happened and why it didn't.
A better strategy would be to finish the set and discuss the mishap once you have returned to your seats. The primary communication that you should share on the dance floor is nonverbal. Communicate in terms of movement and embrace rather than words.
Never Bicker
Please, please, please make every attempt to avoid an argument.
If a discussion is bad, arguing is worse. The quickest way to look like a fool is to lose your composure and get into an argument on the dance floor.
Don't complain. Don't make a face. Don't roll your eyes or mutter curses under your breath. Dance. That's what you came here to do. Work out your differences within the parameters of the rules of tango and good floor craft. The discipline that you enforce upon yourself here will pay off in the long run. A good tanguero or tanguera exercises discretion and self-control.
Keep Your Composure
If your partner is injured or suspects injury, get them to safety. If they just need a break, remain calm and cordial and conclude your moments together like ladies and gentlemen.
If your partner is shaken or upset, offer an apology. That might be enough to make them feel respected and calm down. If they are angry, don't respond in kind. Let them work it out in their own way. If they become threatening or abusive, walk away and find safety in a group of cool-headed people. The organizer might be able to help in this situation, which thankfully, doesn't happen often.
Maintain Perspective
Negative experiences with a partner will sting emotionally, but it's not the end of the world. If a person acts that way, you probably don't want to establish a relationship with them anyway.
One day, the events of this evening might not seem like such a big deal, especially if you have both grown as dancers in the interim. Look forward to a future when dancing together will be more pleasurable and let this one go in the name of experience.
If all that you suffered was an awkward tanda, shrug it off. There are worse experiences in life. You'll both have better days and better dances. If you can, try to stay in character and figure out a way to rescue what's left of your set together.
Respect Your Partner
Adversity can bring out the best in us, or it can bring out the worst in us. It's all in how we decide to handle it.
Always be respectful. Treat the other person as a friend who needs your understanding, because that's probably what they need the most right now. It's one thing to feel bad about struggles or missed expectations on the dance floor. It's far worse to feel that someone despises you as a result of the way that you danced with them.
This person is your partner until you leave the floor, and when you do you'll leave together. That's what partnership is - and acknowledgement that we are in this together, and that we'll support each other for the next few minutes, even if things don't go as well as we had hoped.
¡Buena suerte amigos, y muchas gracias!
Daniel
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