The most challenging follower to lead - and to teach - is the one who does what she thinks that she should be doing instead of responding to the lead and to the music.
This is not an act of conscious defiance. The follower is not trying to be difficult. She's probably a polite, earnest, and sensitive person who wants to become a better dancer. Unfortunately, her desire to "do things right" works against her in powerful ways.
As she is dancing, the follower develops an idea as to what she should be doing, where and how she should be moving. She concentrates on this idea until it demands her full attention. She stops listening to the music and loses track of the lead.
After some stumbling, crashing, and other uncomfortable physical miscues, the follower will tend to become anxious. She might conclude that tango is difficult or that she is clumsy or incapable. Nothing could be further from the truth. But if she convinces herself that the answer is to try even harder, the problem will only get worse.
Unwittingly, the follower has stranded herself on a harsh, isolated island, a treacherous rock of frustration and self-doubt. The island is surrounded by the warm, calm, soothing waters of tango, but she refuses swim away from the shore. She clings to the rock. She won't let go.
Unlocking The Chain
Reversing the pattern is challenging. It requires a patience from the follower and reassurance from her advisors and partners. She needs to learn to let go of the should and the shouldn't and become one with the embrace, the lead, and the moment. It's important to help make her as comfortable as possible when she's taking this quantum leap.
You can't learn to swim if you refuse to jump into deep water. You can't learn a language if you refuse to put yourself into situations where it must be spoken. And you can't learn to dance with a partner if you let technical details take precedence over the music, the partnership, and the communication that occurs within the embrace.
Fallout
I fear that followers who struggle with these difficulties (and to be fair, not everyone does) eventually give up and stop dancing. They stop coming to classes. They don't see the point, because no matter how long they study, it never seems to get any easier. They might conclude that dancing "just isn't for them."
Other people may give up on them as well. Leaders might stop asking them to dance or avoid them (or accept begrudgingly) when it comes time to change partners in the classroom. Classes and workshops can become brutally uncomfortable when prospective partners try to avoid you. Who would want to face that rejection week after week - especially when PAYING for the privilege?
Don't give up. Not yet.
Everyone can improve. Those who struggle have the greatest opportunity to advance. It will take dedication, patience, and courage, but you absolutely can make progress. And once you have enjoyed some initial success, you'll build momentum which will help you to advance to new levels.
Recommended Exercise
Imagine a couple dancing in a movie. They're happy, festive, and passionate. They are enjoying the moment without reservation. They feel the music deeply. They enjoy the connection of the embrace and moving together as one.
As the man moves, the lady moves with him. There is a communication between them, a communication that is silent but clear and meaningful and effortless.
The lady never wonders, "Should I go here? Should I step there? Should I move now? Should I be doing this? Should I be performing that sequence that we just worked on? Shouldn't my weight be on the other leg?"
No! There's none of that! There's no concern and no second-guessing, no hesitation.
She wants to move with him.
She permits herself to move with him.
She enjoys moving with him.
She abandons whatever she thought that she should be doing and joins the leader with trust and openness and certainty.
She lets go, and she dances happily without stress, without concern.
Find your place in that embrace. Become comfortable there and trust where it wants to take you. Let go of those ideas about what you should be doing, about how certain steps should be performed. You can examine your movements when you practice a particular technique, but you cannot let those thoughts and concerns clutter your mind when you are trying to dance.
When you dance, DANCE! Sink into the comfort of the embrace and let things happen. Let go of your thoughts and your concerns. Trust the lead, and let each leader take you on his own special, unpredictable journey. Let go and enjoy the few short minutes that you have to spend with any one person at one event. Let go and enjoy the music. Enjoy yourself. Enjoy the tango.
Letting go is difficult. Your teachers and your sensitive partners realize this. They are ready and willing to support you as you test these new, exciting waters and become more comfortable with the concept of partnership. But YOU are the one who needs to let go. No one can do it for you.
Have confidence. The rewards are waiting for you. You'll get to taste them and enjoy them and savor them more and more with each small, incremental effort to relinquish control and merge completely into a trusted partnership.
¡Buena suerte amigos, y muchas gracias!
Daniel
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