Coping With Disappointment

When Bad Tango Happens To Good People

Life isn't fair, and tango isn't either.

Classes are sometimes badly out of gender balance.  Workshops can be disappointing in terms of either the usefulness of the material or how it was presented.  Milongas are often dull and occasionally dreadful.

There are times when we wonder whether dancing is actually worth the effort.

Well, I have some good news.  It IS worth the effort.  Don't give up on your tango dreams just yet.  You just need to put the bad experiences in perspective and take it all in stride.

In tango, as in life, we can't avoid difficulties completely.  They're going to catch up to us sooner or later.

There's no place in the universe where everyone is pleasant and accepting (and smells good), where every dancer at the milonga is technically adept and would be thrilled to dance with us, where classes are always balanced, teachers are fully focused, lessons are always instructive, and the students are all qualified to handle the day's material.

Difficult situations occur, situations that strain our patience.  And the longer we dance tango, the more of these situations we'll see.

The Bright Side

There is a bright side to every negative.  We can turn our difficult experiences into assets if we maintain the proper perspective.

First of all, bad experiences become great memories.  Everyone loves a good "milonga from hell" story - the more ridiculous the better!  We've all been through that hell, and it's gratifying to reminisce it with others who also have humiliating tales to share.  Treat yourself and your friends to a good laugh.  You'll all feel better.

Secondly, bad experiences can make us better dancers.  If we train ourselves to dance with partners who have less than perfect technique, we become better dancers overall.  The better we become technically, i.e. the more work we put into our own technique, the better our experiences will be with partners of all levels.

Another important skill is to learn to dance in the presence of stress and distraction and disappointment.  Learn to shut out the world's troubles.  Learn to shut out the negativity that's there in the room.  If you can focus fully on your interaction with your partner and the orchestra, your dancing will reach new levels of intimacy, expression, and creativity. 

Ultimately, and most importantly, our bad experiences make us appreciate the good times that much more.  A bad partner make us appreciate the good ones.  A humiliating milonga helps us to appreciate venues where people are friendly and supportive.   An ill-conceived workshop helps us to recognize and appreciate our better teachers.

Through it all, be sure to appreciate all of the progress that you've made.  Appreciate the things that you can do today that once seemed highly challenging.  Appreciate your true tango friends and the places where you feel welcome and admired.

Never dwell on what went wrong.  Analyze it and make a plan to avoid the same situation in the future.  Remind yourself of all of the things that went well, and look forward to your next opportunity to dance and listen and chat and learn and enjoy life.

Bad Tango happens to each of us, but Good Tango is out there waiting.  Dust yourself off, put on your shoes, and go out and have some fun!

¡Buena suerte amigos, y muchas gracias!

Daniel

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