The embrace is deceptively simple. But as is so often the case in Argentine tango, simplicity disguises levels of nuance and complexity. The embrace is a limitless treasure chest for thoughtful tangueros to discover, analyze, and refine.
El Corazon
The heart of the dance, the foundation of connection, the known universe for a couple that is deeply engaged in tango - within this magical embrace we feel safe, connected, understood. Everything outside is vague and distant and blurred. In our partner's arms, every thought, breath, gesture and emotion is magnified and intensified.
Creating the Embrace
The leader raises his left hand to shoulder level as though he is curling a weight (biceps exercise), except that instead of raising the arm straight in front of him, it is angled 45 degrees to the left.
The elbow points downward (toward the floor), not out to the side. The palm of the leader's left hand is oriented back toward his own face, not forward toward the follower.
The follower places her right palm against the leader's left palm, and both partners close their fingers gently.
Leader and follower may face each other directly, but typically it's more comfortable if each partner is slightly to the left of the other. In other words, the center of the follower's chest will line up not with the center of the leader's chest but rather a few inches to the follower's left (leader's right) of that center line.
The couple can be in a close embrace (chest to chest) or in an open embrace where the torsos are separated by up to a few inches (but not too far apart). Some tangueros use a 'flexible' embrace that can vary dynamically between open and close at the discretion of the dancers.
The right arm of the leader wraps around the follower's back. The amount will vary depending both on spacing and on the amount of twist required by certain movements. Comfort for both partners is of tantamount importance. No amount of brutish force should ever be applied.
The follower's left arm will rest against the leader's back, arm, or shoulder, again depending on the level of closeness between the torsos. The follower's hand position must be lightly connected and easily moveable. She needs to be able to move the hand freely as the leader pivots her to different positions.
Likewise, it's important for the leader to maintain contact with the follower's back throughout the dance. Don't let the right arm disconnect from her torso.
Again, hand positions for both partners always must respond to the demands of different movements and positions. Never let the hands get 'stuck' in one position.
Addressing Discomfort
Unfortunately, a good embrace does not happen by chance. There are many ways to diminish the power of the embrace or to corrupt it altogether.
Most people don't realize when their embrace makes a partner uncomfortable. Hence, the embrace should not be left as an unconscious accident of incidental contact. It should be managed actively and carefully as a delicate expression of understanding, acceptance, and respect.
Difficulties with the embrace - major and minor - are so widespread that I felt it best to discuss them up front. I'll return to 'best practices' in a moment.
Potential Problem Areas
If either partner is being pushed, pulled, or knocked off balance, the embrace could be improved.
If either partner is supporting the weight of the other, the embrace could be improved.
If either partner is hanging from the other's neck, arms, or shoulders, the embrace could be improved.
If either partner is looking at the floor, the embrace could be improved.
If either partner feels unsafe, insecure, or disrespected, the embrace needs a major overhaul.
If the embrace is rigid or inflexible to the point that it hinders essential movements, the embrace could be improved. This, however, can vary somewhat by style. The embrace of the milonguero style, for example, tends to be more static than the embrace of tango salon or tango nuevo. This is by design and does not require corrective action.
If shoulders are bending backward, or if arms or bodies are being twisted into uncomfortable positions, the embrace MUST be improved.
If an open-side wrist bends to the point where it is no longer in line with its forearm, the embrace could be improved.
If either partner is leaning or bending backward, even to a small degree, the embrace could be improved.
If the partners are standing so far apart that leading and following become inefficient, the embrace must be corrected.
If the follower feels that she is being pushed, pulled, shoved, squeezed, or manipulated by a 'heavy hand' in any way, the embrace most definitely must be improved.
If either partner feels that their personal space is not being respected, or if they feel that undesired levels of passion or explicit sexual advances are being directed toward them, the embrace is horrible and needs to be rethought from the ground up.
If either partner feels that they are enduring excess perspiration or foul odors, the embrace EXPERIENCE could be improved.
If you are holding your partner more firmly than you would hold a newborn infant, the embrace could be improved. And it might need to be improved substantially depending on the level of discomfort that the partner feels.
An Uncomfortable Example
Once in a class I followed a gentleman whose embrace was remarkably uncomfortable. He bent forward dramatically, and as he was a smaller person than I am, his shoulder pressed against my solar plexus.
Instead of placing his palm on my back, he pointed the palm downward. The knuckles at the base of his thumb and index finger dug into my spine at waist level. He gripped me tightly in this fashion.
I'm a fairly large person, and I was in agony in this man's embrace.
When I suggested to him afterward that he could use a bit less force when holding a follower, he defended his choice of technique and added that "some of these women like a man who shows them who's boss."
The frightening this is that this fellow is not the worst offender that I've seen. Other larger, more powerful men hold women with shocking brutality, and they don't appear to understand that they're doing anything wrong.
Avoiding the Awkward, the Awful, and the Annoying
There are a lot of ways to ruin an embrace. The list above is extensive, but not exhaustive. It's important to be aware of how our partners feel in our embrace.
Practice with trusted partners and ask them to give you feedback - what's good and what could be improved? What you don't know can hurt your reputation - and your partner's back.
What Makes An Embrace 'Good'?
We have spent enough time listing how embraces can go bad. Now let's examine what makes them good.
A good embrace is universally, mutually, and functionally comfortable.
Universal Comfort
A good embrace must be adaptable to any dance partner, regardless of size, shape, age, physical condition, of level of experience. Whether you are a leader or a follower, you should actively and consciously match your embrace to each partner's individual needs, size, and preferences.
Mutual Comfort
Some people are very comfortable in the embrace of a stranger, and others aren't. It's important to be sensitive to each person's individual preferences.
If someone has been dancing for a long time, they may have grown accustomed to close contact. But this is not always the case. I know very experienced dancers who prefer to dance in an open embrace most of the time.
Cultural background can also play a role in the level of comfort that people have with physical closeness. That said, don't assume that just because someone is from Argentina that they want to jump into your arms. Everyone is unique, and some people like to get to know you and your dancing style before leaning in close.
Sense where each person feels comfortable and let them take that position. Once you've gained their trust, they may choose to move in closer, or they may keep their distance. Remember that it's all about comfort, and if you're not making people comfortable, the alternative is not acceptable
Perspiration is another factor. People have varying degrees of comfort with sweat. Some followers will lean against a sweaty guy without a second thought, while others find the idea repulsive. I recommend that men wear a sport coat or suit jacket to the milonga, as it acts as a barrier against sweat transfer to the follower.
When we work to make our partners comfortable, we earn their trust, and trust leads to better dancing.
Functional Comfort
The embrace must support and enhance the ability of the partners to lead and follow effectively.
The embrace must also support the movements and positions that make tango dancing possible.
Sometimes an embrace gets in the way and becomes an impediment to comfortable execution dance movements.
I have danced with leaders who have twisted my wrist and bent my arm into uncomfortable positions. I have danced with leaders whose arms unknowingly knocked me off balance or prevented me from stepping where I needed to stand.
I have danced with followers whose left hands get stuck in once spot on my arm or shoulder preventing me from positioning her (or myself) as needed to execute the movements that I want to lead.
The embrace must be functional in addition to being comfortable, and to be functional, it must allow freedom of movement when it its required.
Just Plain Comfort
We need to hold our partners with a sense of connection, but force is unacceptable unless you are supporting someone's weight (only acceptable when a particular movement demands it). The embrace itself should never require one partner to support the other partner's weight.
A bit of tone or tension and a light degree resistance are required for connection and make leading and following more efficient. However, take care not to overdo it. Argentine tango requires less resistance than salsa dancing, for example, so use that as a measuring stick (assuming that you know how to salsa).
Regarding personal hygiene, please use common sense. If you don't believe in bathing or deodorant, perhaps you should find another pastime. That said, ladies, please be careful when wearing an antiperspirant with a sleeveless top. Men don't appreciate receiving big white smudges from your armpits.
Closed or Open Embrace?
I use a flexible embrace, but the choice of open or closed is ultimately a personal one. There's no right or wrong way to choose. I've seen celebrated milongueros dance in an open embrace. They matched their embrace to what they were trying to do, on the steps that they wanted to execute. There's no rule that says that chests or cheeks need to be touching. These are options, not mandates. Dance according to function and comfort, not doctrine.
The bottom line is that you need to be able to execute the movements that you want to dance, and both partners need to feel that their sensibilities about closeness are being respected.
Exercises For A Better Embrace
Here are some exercises that have helped me. They're fun, they're not difficult, and they'll make a difference if you'll practice them faithfully.
Exercise 1 - Observation
The next time you're at the milonga, spend some time watching couples dance on the floor. Notice which couples have an embrace that looks comfortable. Notice which embraces look less comfortable.
For extra credit, try to notice one or more details that makes a particular embrace comfortable or uncomfortable.
Exercise 2 - Reverse Embrace Roles
In a quiet place - definitely NOT at the milonga - stand face to face with a partner. Don't take any steps during this exercise. Focus only on the embrace.
Embrace your partner, but do so with the opposite embrace as that of your typical role. If you usually lead, you'll take the follower's embrace for exercise. If you usually follow, you'll take the leader's embrace.
Once you are in this inverted embrace, share with your partner how you would like to be embraced if you were dancing this alternate role. Then, being careful not to hurt your partner, try showing them what an uncomfortable embrace might feel like.
Finally, switch back to your typical role and embrace your partner in the way that they have demonstrated that they prefer.
Exercise 3 - Lateral Flexibility
In a quiet place - NOT at the milonga - take your partner into the embrace (normal roles). The follower will stand in place for the entire exercise.
The leader will take a series of very small side steps to his right until his torso makes an 'L' shape in relation to the follower's torso.
In order to achieve this 'L' position, the arms and hands of both partners will need to move gracefully to a new position. Make sure that your arms are comfortable where they end up - no extreme bending of the elbows or shoulders please!
The leader will return to his original embrace position with a series of small side steps to his left. He can continue stepping to his left until he creates an 'L' position on his left side.
The left side is more challenging and will require more adjustment of hand and arm position. Leaders, please be sure to drop your right hand to the follower's waist in this position to avoid contacting the follower's breasts with your right arm.
Alternate side to side from one 'L' position to the other three times. Make absolutely certain that the embrace is absolutely comfortable on both sides and in every position along the way.
Exercise 4 - Adjusting the Embrace at the Milonga
While dancing at a milonga or practica, focus your making your embrace as comfortable as possible for each partner. Make adjustments for each person's size, shape, and preference for physical comfort.
Don't just do this at the beginning start of the set. Monitor your embrace actively and keep tuning and adjusting it for maximum comfort.
This is a VERY important exercise. Even if you skip the others, you should attempt this one, at least occasionally.
Exercise 5 - Vary Your Embrace
Mix it up! If you typically dance very close to your partner, try an open embrace for a couple of songs. If you typically dance with an open embrace, try getting closer. Make whatever adjustments you need to make to ensure comfort.
For extra credit try the Canyengue embrace. The couples are very close. The leader's left hand is beside his left hip with the palm facing upward. The follower's left arm reaches up and around the leader's neck. Don't hang with this arm, but use it for connection.
Personally, I enjoy the Canyengue embrace very much. I find that it's a nice change of pace and that it makes the couple feel very connected.
Conclusion
The importance of the embrace cannot be overstated. A bad embrace will make your partners uncomfortable, or it will frustrate their ability to perform with you the movements and steps that they desire. A good embrace allows you to move effortlessly and responsively with your partner.
The Amazing Evan Griffiths once told me that he puts a lot of thought and practice into making his embrace as comfortable for his partners as possible. I think that we should all follow his example.
So get out there and embrace someone! You have work to do. We all have work to do.
¡Buena suerte amigos, y muchas gracias!
Daniel
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